To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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