I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
