mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
