And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
