I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
