I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
