Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think your dad took our porno
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize