I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
