In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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