walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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