after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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