hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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