drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
