i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize