I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
