are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
