Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Randomize
