then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize