found the other keg... it's in the tree
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
