did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
