I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
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