I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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