need another drink. this is the easiest way
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize