32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
