i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
The Olympian is in my bed
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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