you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
