this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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