we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
