I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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