were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
