I am full of burrito and curiosity
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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