quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
