We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
