i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
