i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
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