He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
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