Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize