If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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