if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
