this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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