is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
