Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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