Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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