Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We need a shit load of segways right now
When are your genitals available?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
