think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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