her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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