he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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