My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
