Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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