I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
