why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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