just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
