I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
