Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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