just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
