He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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