Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
