Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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