I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You brought string cheese to the strip club
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
