Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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