I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
