I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize