Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
