do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
is that a dick in a sweater?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
