I just pynch a tree in the face
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize