I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
