No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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