I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
