she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm like, not good at living.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
