It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
