this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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